Desires for a larger family may shift as the marriage progresses. It is not uncommon for spouses to differ on several issues. Contrary to popular belief, these differences can strengthen unions because they introduce an element of diversity. But what happens if I don’t want another baby, but my husband does?
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have more kids. Talk to your husband and try to come to a compromise. See things from his perspective and explain the cause of your apprehension.
Although it’s expected that married couples should have similar life goals, there might be differences in the preference for family size.
Reasons Why It’s Okay to Not Want Another Baby
At first, you may have looked forward to motherhood. Making and getting to know a tiny baby seemed like the best that could happen in your marriage. But after your first pregnancy, something changed.
Whether you had to deal with hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme nausea and vomiting), long hours in labor, or the aftermath of the cesarean section, you may not want to go through the same thing again.
If you are career-oriented, you may deem it impractical to take more time off the job scene. You believe this is detrimental to your professional growth – and there is nothing wrong with that. Some careers are very demanding, and a bit of absence could affect where you end up. For instance, if you’re working towards becoming a partner at the law firm, the rigorous selection process demands you put the company first.
The Impact on Your Body
The physical toll of pregnancy, labor, and breastfeeding on a woman’s body is enormous. The weight gain, stretch marks, uneven skin – there’s much one goes through. Upon having a kid, few women can retain their body form. After your first child, everything looks different: from the breasts, thighs, waist, and tummy.
You had to work very hard to shed off the baby weight. It might have been because you also had to juggle all of your motherhood responsibilities. Some women don’t mind it at all, but it’s a significant issue for others, and they prefer not to have more children to avoid their bodies changing.
Although this isn’t a typical household issue, some women feel that the global population is out of control.
They believe that resources on our planet are constrained, and we all can guess what will happen if the population keeps growing at the same rate.
If you had to stretch out your budget to pave the way for your other kids, you might feel that having another child is financial suicide. Children are a lifelong financial obligation, and if you think your current situation cannot support an addition to the family.
Fear of the Unknown
You may be friends with another couple or know one who lives down the street with more than one child. You see how much they struggle to balance juggling the kids, maintaining work, and building their partnership. Your first baby challenged your marriage, and you had to work hard to find neutral ground. You had to learn how to divide your time and attention between yourselves and the newborn – and it was no easy task.
Now that your husband has made it known that he would love to have another child, you are afraid that the strain on your relationship will develop again with the birth of another baby.
What to Do When Your Husband Wants Another Baby
Typically, talks about family size come before a couple ties the knot. There are instances where it comes after you are married. You may already have one or two kids and are contemplating getting your tubes figuratively (or literally) tied. But your better half is of a different mind. Read on for tips on what to do when your husband wants another baby but you don’t.
Put Yourself in Your Husband’s Shoes
Before anything else, you need to appreciate your partner’s perspective. You must physically shift your body and mind so you can get a rough idea of how it looks in the alternate scenario. Try and discern the positive intent in where they’re coming from. This makes you approach any subsequent solutions with an open mind.
Talk to Your Husband
The choice to have a baby should be something that both of you agree on. Talking is an excellent way of finding a way to make a good choice together. It is unfair to remain steadfast to what you want without listening to the other side. There must be some rationale behind his stance. Choosing to overlook how he feels is a sure recipe for disaster. It’s best if your husband understands whether your ‘no’ is a ‘not now’ or a ‘never ever’ scenario.
Consider Alternative Solutions
If you don’t want more children due to issues like body image and overpopulation, there are options available. Adoption is quite prevalent right now. You can find a perfect addition to your family from anywhere on the globe. Suppose you’re the skeptical kind that believes adopted kids are unpredictable and may grow up to become complete nightmares; there’s surrogacy. This is where you pay another woman to have a baby on your behalf.
Seek Professional Help
If all the above interventions fail, it’s time to bring out the big guns. Introducing a third party to help resolve the issue is recommended if your talks always end as heated arguments. The sole purpose of couples therapy is to improve your marriage by helping you work through conflicts and strengthen your bond. However, for therapy to be effective, you both have to be willing to participate.
So what do I do if I don’t want another baby but my husband does? Unfortunately (or fortunately), when it comes to pregnancies and babies, it takes two to tango. In the same way, some factors make you not want any more children. Your better half also has his reasons for wanting another baby. Having a frank talk with your husband is a step in the positive direction. Who knows, he might be able to assuage your apprehension.
I’m Cathrine and I’m a 39-year-old mother of 3 from Utica, New York. And I’m extremely happy you’ve come to visit my hide-out on the web. Here I post about everything related to family-life and usually it will involve babies and lessons I’ve learned over the years from experts, friends, and my own mistakes. So hopefully you will find what i write fun and informational!