You desperately want a second or fifth child, but your significant other is dead set against it. While you’ve tried everything to convince them, they aren’t budging. But the nurturing instinct keeps calling, and it’s growing stronger each day, and you’re asking what to do when I want another baby, but my husband doesn’t.
Empathy means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. When you want another baby, but your husband isn’t on board, you must understand where he’s basing his views on. Avoid getting too focused on having your partner see your way of thinking without considering his. That’ll make it challenging to have an open conversation.
Avoid not acknowledging and counting for all the opposing reasons, which will only obscure the neutrality required. Initiate communication with your spouse, seeking to understand his level of expectation on the ultimate size of your family. It’s best to create a middle ground, seek mediation or compromise and respect your husband’s wishes. The following are a couple of tips to help come to terms with this very emotional of subjects.
How Can I Understand Why My Husband Doesn’t Want Another Baby?
Life can get lackluster when you and your husband are polarized about such an important decision as having another baby. Trackback to when you both discussed or agreed to respective numbers and listened to their reasoning. In any case, one of you is not emphatic or is minimizing the other’s wishes.
Engaging without pre-judgment will help you to welcome the activating point of the conversation. You can put yourself in his shoes without letting the anxiety or conflicting emotions step in.
An exercise encouraged by the therapist can jumpstart the process. It involves sitting on chairs directly opposite each other and then explaining the opposing views or reasons in turns. Stand up and physically switch chairs. Proceed to have the same conversation but this time arguing each other’s perspective instead of yours.
Such an exercise has a two-pronged positive effect, as one the movement of your body helps re-orientate your way of seeing things. Second, you can create empathy by arguing someone else’s points, increasing insights, opening up possibilities, and softening stances.
Reasons Why Your Husband is Dead Set Against Having Another Baby
Several reasons may pop up that your husband feels warrant putting baby plans on the back burner, and these include;
It could be your husband feels that you’re both not financially stable for another child, attributing that to a rational forecast of the greater responsibility.
Shorter Family Time
You’re both working full-time and barely have enough time for the kids present, leave alone another baby. Your spouse may fear that another baby will exacerbate the family time.
The Demand of Pregnancy and Birth
The last one or two were challenging for you and him, so he feels not ready to undergo the experience again.
There Lacks Enough Love for Another Baby
Some men struggle with feelings of emotional inadequacy for their little tots. Suppose your husband is having a hard time being a loving dad to the children you already have. In that case, he could be fearful that another baby will complicate an already complex situation.
Inufficient Couple Time
You’ve probably emerged from a stage where you had no time for each other due to your previous demanding charges. Your husband can be reluctant to re-enter that hectic phase since you’ve only just begun to enjoy each other again.
A Challenging Subsequent or Another Child
The first or subsequent sibling has behavioral or medical-related challenges, and your husband feels another baby would be a stretch he can’t accommodate.
Taking Scope and Revisiting the Conversation with a Game Plan
On hitting a refresh button on the conversation, you might find out if societal pressures are causing the desire or aversion for having another baby. You’ll also start thinking about the alternative, a scenario with financial freedoms or one involving relatives like nieces or nephews.
You have a chance to explore your emotions and figure out why you can’t agree with your husband. It could be you are anxious about him leaving you, or you feel your fertility slowly slipping out of your control and prediction powers.
For the next conversation, you’ll have developed the following four-point plan, which involves;
- Noticing: Take stock of your husband’s point of view, which will result in a swirl of emotions that you must let come forward.
- Validating: Allow yourself permission to have these emotions, even those challenging due to embarrassment or other discomforts.
- Speaking: Talk about the part of you that wants to react to his opposition. You may feel like speaking from anger about not being listened to. Instead say, ‘There’s a part of me that feels like you’re not listening to me, and yet I am trying to take seriously your perspective.’
- Listening: Always allow feedback from your husband, as that’s the only way you’ll find any positive intent from their standpoint.
Does Not Now Mean Never, or Am I Impatient?
Time or timing is a critical component when it comes to having children. Your husband could be staunchly against wanting another baby but can change his mind on repeat parenthood in the future. You and your partner should agree to put together a broad scope of when to revisit the conversation about an additional little one.
Taking a topic off the table momentarily relieves pressure or aggravation from the party that has to keep saying no. You can diffuse a stressful situation, postponing the issue when it’ll work best for both partners.
If your husband fails to meet you back on the subject, it’ll be time to consider that not now can turn into never. When your spouse seems ambivalent regarding having another baby, you’ll face a choice of respecting his wishes or seeking alternatives. You can start down the road of grieving not having a second child early as a way to negate your procreation desires.
You can settle differences of opinion resolutely when you seek to understand each other’s rationale within a relationship. Practice appropriately navigating a conversation, and you’ll be surprised by the reasons why you want another baby, but your husband doesn’t. Some will often stem from scarcity, timing, disruption, or inadequacy to nurture, issues that, while complex, can be worked through.
Seeking therapy offers a structure by which you both can resolve conflicts safely and with a professional’s direction or advice.
I’m Cathrine and I’m a 39-year-old mother of 3 from Utica, New York. And I’m extremely happy you’ve come to visit my hide-out on the web. Here I post about everything related to family-life and usually it will involve babies and lessons I’ve learned over the years from experts, friends, and my own mistakes. So hopefully you will find what i write fun and informational!