It’s not uncommon to experience apprehension and grief about not carrying another pregnancy. You’ll find yourself shifting blame, especially if it’s your partner that’s holding back the decision to add to the family number. Therefore, you’ve been wondering about the possibility of coming to terms with not having another baby.
Hanging up the swaddling blanket or closing the chapter on more babies isn’t as easy as that for many mums. There’s an emptiness and brokenness, an overwhelming sense of loss after the decision is finalized. Whatever the cause, or reason, you can come to terms with not having another baby by going through a healing process that’s similar to mourning.
If your child’s firsts are sadly your last, it’s hard to fathom not having those experiences again. Savor what you have, instead of obsessing over what may most likely never be. It’s a chapter of many mothers’ lives, so you aren’t alone. Keep reading to learn about coming to terms with not having another baby.
Can I Come To Terms with Never Having Another Child Again?
It could be there are health reasons why you can’t have another baby, or your husband is set against it to the point of getting a vasectomy. But the void this creates is hard to ignore, an aching in your heart arising from the removal of that option. It’s not emptiness, however, seeing as multiple thoughts and emotions clamor to call this space their home. The desire to have more children opposes that logic, and you’ve been secretly hoping for a miracle conception that might never come.
There’s a longing created by the void, the thoughts of never again feeling your body prepare for pregnancy. Or the kicks of your unborn baby, movements into more comfortable positions within your womb. You miss even the contraptions of labor, the experience of holding your newborn. There’ll no longer be awe and joy of milestones as your infant learns to roll over, crawl or eat solids for the first time.
The void has become part of you, and life continues taunting you with other mum’s babies. Your kids grow up, becoming independent and leaving you feeling less needed. Motherhood is a gift, and to suddenly realize you’ll no longer be part of this exclusive club can be heartbreaking.
Dealing With the Emotional Void of Not Having another Baby
There are seven stages of grieving, which is what’s happening, but deciding not to have any more babies carries its own unique set of emotions. Take time to sort out these emotions, which will open the way so you can come to terms with not having another baby.
The first is sadness, as stated above, but the last is acceptance, by which you should have firmly seen reason for why you are through. These include;
Having officially opted out of the baby-bearing phase, you may experience heartache, especially when you consider experiences you’ll never again have. Items that were once treasured, clunky toys, and favorite outfits will make the bile rise in your throat, evoking sentimental feelings. Holding someone else’s baby can have you breaking down, these and other reasons sufficing to make you sad.
Fill your time with activities that distract you from your thoughts, and emotions of sadness. If you have other kids, give them more attention, getting involved in everything they do. Sadness is an essential emotion, and when you feel like crying it out, lock yourself somewhere private and do just that.
Call it joy or relief, but a part of you is glad that there’ll be no more binkies, diapers, and burp cloths. You’ll not have to contend with morning sickness and labor, no midnight feedings, exhaustion, and sleeplessness. While these aren’t exactly reasons to celebrate, you’re coming out from underneath a mountain of uncertainties and fears.
It’s liberating to not have a pre or neonatal calendar to follow, and you can finally fold away or give out maternity, baby clothes, bottles, binkies, and other gear. Whether it’s gladness or bittersweet, it’s a feeling you should treasure to help you come to terms with not having another baby.
It’s human nature to wonder how your family might have been had you been able to have another baby. What would they be like, and will their personality be different from your other kids? Often, you’ll feel nostalgia when you’re packing up items that mark milestones, Sippy cups, Halloween costumes, and toys.
Think about the impact another baby could have on your marriage, especially if your spouse is dead set against it. Remember that nothing extra can bring happiness if you’re not already happy. Your feelings of incompleteness aren’t natural, but who says an additional child will make you feel complete?
Your family is complete, whether you have one, two, or three children, despite wanting another. You’re in control and can plan for the future, including vacations, college, or personal career goals. Without the sporadic schedule of a baby, you won’t be tied down any longer. You can also take better care of yourself, watch your weight, and be thrilled that you’ll never fit in your maternity clothes again.
Every stage is a phase, and it doesn’t last forever. Stop imagining what the future may hold because you’re already living in it. Instead, be present and spend as much time with your present family as possible. Count your blessings, and they’ll have no choice but to multiply.
You’ve campaigned hard, but the vote comes out as a resounding no. It could be your health, your spouses, or other risks and circumstances that have forced you to abandon the hope of having another baby. Accept what life has dealt you, even if that means no more babies, as that’ll be essential to eventual healing. You’ll recover and realize that even being able to make that decision puts you in a privileged and lucky position.
Coming to terms with not having another baby includes being excited about what’s coming. Have a great time with the kids you already have, even if it’s one, ensuring they lack nothing, not even a sibling. If your children are grown, find a way to channel those maternal instincts. You can coach, teach or mentor young ones, or invite chances to babysit nieces, nephews, or friend’s babies.
I’m Cathrine and I’m a 39-year-old mother of 3 from Utica, New York. And I’m extremely happy you’ve come to visit my hide-out on the web. Here I post about everything related to family-life and usually it will involve babies and lessons I’ve learned over the years from experts, friends, and my own mistakes. So hopefully you will find what i write fun and informational!