In a perfect world, you and your spouse decide whether or not to get pregnant. You agree once you’ve arrived at a mutual consensus regarding when to have children and how many the total will be. But yours is not that utopian marriage, so you’re wondering how to compromise on having another baby.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, compromise means agreeing or settling a dispute by each party making concessions. That means giving in to part of his demands while he does the same with yours. On your part, compromising on having another baby will involve forging ahead, relegating the topic for another time, or shelving the idea completely.
What remains then is to decide whether you’re willing to let go of your desire to have another baby. Think of the effect a new infant will have on you, your husband, and the other child or children already in your family. To help you in decision-making, I’ve compiled a few tips on things to consider.
Will Compromise Mean I Have to Wait or Shelf the Notion of Having another Child?
When a difference of opinion or decision arises regarding having another baby, it can cause heartache and strain in your relationship. Couples have split up, and marriages ended because one partner wanted a second, third, or even fourth child. All the while the other refused adamantly.
Babies are super cute, cuddly and they smell nice. A newborn addition to your house can brighten up everyone’s mood, filling everyone with the magic of new life. But what happens when that novelty wears off and responsibilities become a wake-up call?
How will you cope when you or your spouse are on guard at all hours, pacing the corridors with a screaming tot? Remember diapers? You’ll be elbow deep in the dirty variety, plus your entire schedule will revolve around the baby.
What Should I Consider Before Negotiating for a Compromise?
It’s up to you and your spouse to hammer out the differences. The best approach lies in honest conversations with you and also with him. You’ll need to consider everyone’s view, evaluating how the rest of your family will feel about another baby.
To find out how to compromise on having another baby;
Consider Your Feelings
Having another baby is a repeat of your last or the one before that. It’s a restart of everything you loved and some that you didn’t. When your other child still requires a lot of your attention, you could experience something known as parent burnout.
It’s also essential that you remember that another baby won’t be little for long. The newborn phase doesn’t stretch forever, and your tot will soon become a toddler. You are thinking of adding a child to your family, which means that all resources must be sufficient for one more.
If you have a fourth child at 35, it can get more difficult to conceive, and the risks of miscarriage or other problems are higher. You may need to do many tests, fertility treatment, have mid-pregnancy complications, or undergo C-section.
Think about Your Husband’s Feelings
When your spouse isn’t on board with the idea of expanding your family, the relationship can become strained. He may be compromising to please you, but that doesn’t mean he feels good about this concession. Instead of pressuring, manipulating, or cajoling him, step back from the topic and consider his feelings.
If the conversation can be put off for another time, do so, or set a later date, say in a year, when you think he’ll be ready to reconsider. You’ll communicate better by being honest with each other to make reaching such a decision easier.
There’s Also Your Child or Children to Consider
A six-year-old will be excited or curious about the notion of having another sibling, or they may wonder why out of jealousy, feeling betrayed. On the other hand, a toddler is oblivious that another will soon topple them from the top spot. When the new baby arrives, they’ll either adjust beautifully or act out in demand for your attention.
You must consider the position you’ll be placing the other child or children in. Predicting their response to your having another baby can be difficult. However, there are steps you can take to help them adjust. You might have to compromise and let go of the desire for some time, maybe until your toddler becomes a preschooler.
Will another Baby Change Your Family Dynamics?
Having another baby changes everything, and sometimes you may not have experienced that with your other children. The family size is now turning from small to normal or large, and there are associated costs and family dynamics to think about.
Will your home accommodate your family, and is the car enough for everyone, or will you buy a minivan? These evaluations will set the table when pushing for concessions from your husband if he’s to compromise on having another baby.
Questions that you’ll need to answer include;
Can You Afford Another Baby?
Every year, the cost of raising children increases. Besides long-term expenses, a new baby incurs insurance deductibles, co-pays, hospital bills, diapers, prescriptions, and lots of gear. You’ll need to buy clothes to supplement the ones handed down from older siblings, and your household budget can suddenly implode.
Deciding whether you are financially ready can play to your side when you’re offering or trading concessions. You can make your husband see the savings to be made from all the toys and clothes that nobody uses. Another point I would make is that since costs will continue rising, isn’t it better to have another baby now than later?
Do You Have Sufficient Accommodation for Another Baby?
Some physical changes could be forthcoming when you’re thinking of having another baby. A new member of your household means you’ll turn a guest room or office into the nursery, or some kids will share bedrooms.
If you plan to have a third or fourth child, a double stroller will make getting out and about easier. That’s especially when and when the last is still toddling. Your kitchen, which suited the four of you, will need room for a high chair. On the other hand, the car may have to be exchanged for a more kid-friendly ride that accommodates all the bulky child safety seats.
Thinking about such changes will set your frame of mind to the pointers, which will float and make your husband compromise. Space may also be the reason you change your mind about having another baby.
You do want to have another baby, but you’ll need to compromise for the sake of your relationship and family. By putting the primary reasons for or against an additional child in clarity, you’ll be able to offer and receive concessions for or against the idea.
Evaluate your current state, that of your husband, and the children’s dynamics. After that, project the future and see your family in a few years, then ask yourself, ‘is that where I want to be?’
I’m Cathrine and I’m a 39-year-old mother of 3 from Utica, New York. And I’m extremely happy you’ve come to visit my hide-out on the web. Here I post about everything related to family-life and usually it will involve babies and lessons I’ve learned over the years from experts, friends, and my own mistakes. So hopefully you will find what i write fun and informational!