You’d think that after three kids, you don’t want to get pregnant again. But the desire for repeat motherhood keeps calling, even against your spouse’s wishes. Your question, therefore, is ‘what should I do when I want a fourth baby by my husband doesn’t?’
A fourth baby can be tiresome and exhausting, but it’s a life-affirming step, especially over 35 years old. You should be open to your husband, explaining exactly why you want another, appealing to his emotions and logic. All in all, you must ready yourself for total rejection, or you may need to be patient and revisit the issue another time.
Having another baby after your third is not a decision you can take lightly, seeing as you’ll need a support system, financial resources, and space. You’ll still need time to give enough love or attention to the other kids for whom you will be offering the gift of each other. My tips may come across as words of caution, but you can make this puzzle easier with stellar communication tactics.
Why Is the Idea of a Fourth Baby a Turn-Off for My Husband?
The decision to have a fourth baby requires much thought and preparation, especially if your spouse isn’t on board. Baby fever, however, doesn’t care about how well calculated and balanced your three children are.
Let’s not talk about your husband for now. He may become supportive or stay incompliant with your child number four wishes. Before approaching him to change his mind about your wanting a fourth baby, consider the following;
Do You Have a Support System to Help with the Logistics of Four Children?
Is there other family or friends that can pitch in when solo parenting becomes an insurmountable hurdle? It’s not easy to get older kids to school when lugging a stroller, and there’ll be resentment if your spouse isn’t available to help.
If you can arrange childcare or a housekeeper, it’ll save you from exhausting days spent trying to keep up. Ensure that you have a strong support system before thinking of a fourth baby, especially if the other three kids don’t exceed age seven.
Will the Finances Suffice an Additional Baby?
Diapers and formula feed are expensive and getting so by the day. I hear you ask, ‘what’s one more?’ and you’re right to a point. It’s no extra burden to take care of another baby when you’ve been doing great with three. But if you think of the extra birthday celebration, enrolments in activities or sports, education, and holiday gifts, the costs start piling up.
Do You Have Enough Space to Accommodate a Fourth Baby?
With baby number four, your house must be large enough to accommodate another kid. Remember that soon you’ll be having another person vying for the bathroom, needing a place in the car, or sitting around the dining table. A minivan is common signage that a mum has four children.
Are You Able to Divide Your Time and Attention for All the Kids?
You might be saying that there’s enough love to go around. But will you give each of your four children the attention they require? For instance, can you help the eldest with homework, feed the baby, supervise a toddle when they’re doing everything? At the same time, you’ll need to answer the never-ending questions of a preschooler.
That’s just everyday stuff, and if you can’t multitask effectively, you’ll be left unable to provide one-on-one quality time with your kids.
Will Childcare Accept to Help When They Hear You Have Four Children?
If you’ll be fortunate enough to find childcare that can accommodate your four kids, will you afford it? A fourth child is probably a stretch when you’re a working mum, not to mention when you want time with your husband.
These and other questions will make the bulk of your husband’s objections to your wanting a fourth baby. If your significant other isn’t ready to stop for medical reasons or when the finances don’t seem to add up, you can now press on with the conversation. Create common ground, which is essential for taking the discussion a notch higher.
What Can I Say to Convince My Husband to Have a Fourth Baby?
You may have a bigger list of obstacles than I’ve mentioned, but it’s normal for couples to disagree, even on such important topics. Wanting a fourth baby while your husband doesn’t is a problem that needs working through together.
Since you’ve committed to convincing him, there are arguments that you can effectively use to make your spouse change their mind. These include;
Having No Regrets
Wanting a fourth child can be scary, especially for your husband. He dreads the infant stage, its exhaustion, sleep deprivation, chaos, and stress. If that’s what’s holding him back, try to convince him it’s the last time you’re laying a foundation, and soon your little tot will be self-sufficient.
It’s about what you want the family to look like in the future, and sticking it out will result in no regrets.
Not Afraid to Wait
While baby fever or the ticking of your biological clock can make it hard to drop the matter, you must practice patience. If you badger, canoodle, or pressure, it’ll amount to manipulation, a self-defeating process that’ll only serve to aggravate him. When your husband isn’t on the same page, waiting for a reasonable time is the progressive thing to do.
It could be that your husband wants you to work on the current family setup for a while. You must agree to let it go, even if for a year, as you try to open your hearts to each other’s feelings. It could be that both of you will see things differently after a little bit of time.
Wanting a fourth child is more an emotional quagmire than a logical one. You miss the pregnant stage, baby smells, dainty clothes, or shopping in your store’s kids’ isle again. To counter dismissal from your husband, you need to display how much thought you’ve put into the matter. If he feels you’re relying too much on emotion, he may not get sold out about having another kid.
I’m Cathrine and I’m a 39-year-old mother of 3 from Utica, New York. And I’m extremely happy you’ve come to visit my hide-out on the web. Here I post about everything related to family-life and usually it will involve babies and lessons I’ve learned over the years from experts, friends, and my own mistakes. So hopefully you will find what i write fun and informational!