In marriage, two tenets suffice, the first being never to ask a man how much he earns, while the other is a woman’s age. The female of our species has mastered the gift of lies, fibbing fluently and without batting an eyelid. But why is it important to know my wife’s secrets, and is it healthy for my relationship?
Being honest doesn’t equate to sharing every thought, fantasy, dream, or fear with your spouse. Your wife keeps secrets because of the impact they’ll have on your marriage should the truth be known.
It’s not important to know every secret since everyone has a right to a degree of privacy. Should she decide to confide in you for the sake of your relationship, will you be willing to listen, understand and retain them?
Your wife is one step ahead of you at hiding things, despite your best sleuthing efforts. Beneath a woman’s pretty face is a calculating mind that weighs everything before letting you know. Don’t wonder whether it’s important to open that can of worms, but instead, read on to learn a bit more regarding secrets in marriage.
What Are Secrets, and Do They Build or Break a Marriage?
We sometimes think of it as keeping secrets, but what if I told you they’re keeping us? One of the major reasons that married couples keep facts hidden from one another is to maintain peace. That means oblivion is bliss, and what you don’t know can’t hurt you. She’s determined to keep you feeling happy, secure, and set in your loving vision of her.
Secrets are neither a new nor an old concept of human existence, and even the bible’s wise king Solomon faced that dilemma. A secret is defined as information kept from one or more people, and for clarity, beyond professional confidentiality requirements. The fear of reprisal or judgment is the underlying cause of secrecy, but it’s not always that clear-cut.
According to one life coach, lies and secrets are what people erect as the sturdiest walls, trapping and wrapping themselves within these limitations. It’s between the grey areas of lying, half-truths, and secretiveness that many couples live out their lives. But does honesty mean your wife has to share everything, especially if she knows it will hinder harmony and peace in your marriage?
Well, honesty, alongside comity and integrity, are the building blocks of any healthy relationship, and more so in matrimony. The whole shebang can come crashing down if any part of that base is broken. But life’s not a straight line, and sometimes, lying or omitting, to tell the truth, is what’s necessary for a happy marriage. There are instances where holding her tongue is what has kept you two married.
Are There Reasons Why It’s Important to Know My Wife’s Secrets?
Ask yourself one question; if you learned your wife’s secrets, would you handle it and continue to keep the details in confidence? Remember that knowledge is not only empowering, but it’s also enlightening and difficult to unlearn. Knowing a secret can be such an eye-opener that you’ll never see your spouse in the same light again, ever.
Your wife doesn’t have to share everything with you, and neither can you get information out of her that she’s unwilling to divulge. Okay, maybe through deception, coercion, torture, or truth serum, but who knows if she won’t be making up stories even in those instances.
It’s essential to note that in your marriage;
- Your wife has a right to privacy, including keeping secrets from you, her children, or the extended family.
- For the sole reason that she’s an individual, and you don’t own her, she can keep matters secret, no matter the triviality.
- She has the right to do things alone or spend time with others without your knowledge or involvement.
There’s a sense of physical and emotional privacy that you have to honor so that she can replicate the same to you. Delving into your wife’s secrets or trying to force them out of her won’t enhance your intimacy but only limits it. On the other hand, being in touch with her most inner self and yours can prove intimate.
What Types of Secrets That My Wife Is Hiding Can Ruin Our Marriage?
If there’s a valid reason for keeping secrets from you, your wife shouldn’t have to defend herself or reveal hurtful and embarrassing moments from her past. It’s also possible that her secret involves another individual, whose confidence she’d be betraying if she were to tell you the story. Her sense of privacy and space is part of her individuality, an important aspect of who she is.
Dangerous secrets are those she may be keeping to avoid facing responsibility, which, in the long run, can cause problems in your marriage. That includes information or facts she’s withholding, which you need to know so that you can make informed life decisions. That’s called harmful manipulation, and this will hurt your matrimony.
Such secrets include;
- Cheating or having an affair
- Career problems
- Addiction or substance abuse
- Legal issues
- Lies or untruths about spending or lending money
- Neglecting to pay bills or debts
- Hiding an illness or disease
- Meeting with friends or family members secretly
However, sharing secrets must be well-timed, as there are instances where a revelation can do more harm than good. Like having important or difficult conversations, she shouldn’t tell her secret during bedtime, periods of moodiness when you’re drunk, or in a stressful situation.
It’s insensitive for her to drop a hidden bombshell when you’re dealing with some other bad news. Plus, you can’t be accommodating with her secret if you’re tired, ill, or when both or one of you is angry.
If you were wondering ‘why it’s important to know my wife’s secrets,’ you now know that it’s a deep dark dungeon guarded by a ferocious green-eyed monster. There’s a thin line between what you want to hear and that which will haunt you and lead to irreconcilable differences in your marriage. Once you discover that your wife lied, told half-truths, or hid critical information, there can be an enormous sense of betrayal, hard to come back from.
I’m Cathrine and I’m a 39-year-old mother of 3 from Utica, New York. And I’m extremely happy you’ve come to visit my hide-out on the web. Here I post about everything related to family-life and usually it will involve babies and lessons I’ve learned over the years from experts, friends, and my own mistakes. So hopefully you will find what i write fun and informational!