My Wife Doesn’t Do Anything – 10 Tips to Get Her Going

Weddings are fun, lots of cake and dancing, but marriage isn’t a bed of roses. All your good intentions seem to have adverse outcomes, and a lot of work goes into the proverbial happily ever after. But what if you’re always thinking, ‘my wife doesn’t do anything?  What are the 10 tips to get her going?

You’ve probably been taking a few things for granted, not working hard enough to stoke her fire. Marriage is a long-term commitment, but the spark can fizzle and sadly die out. Your wife desires to be treasured, not considered only when you’re looking for sexual gratification.

It could be that you’ve become rigid, formal, and stuck on routine. If your wife doesn’t do anything, you need to figure out if the love and intimacy are still there. But all is not lost, as below I elaborate ten tips that can get your spouse going again.

What Are the 10 Tips to Get My Wife Going When She Doesn’t Do Anything?

Being married and staying intimate takes a lot of work. There’s the endless stress of daily life, responsibilities, and kids, so it’s sometimes challenging to maintain the same crazy love you initially felt. The best marriages are not loaded with explosive sex but those that have weathered a hard time. You can only do this by maintaining healthy communication, whether with words or physically.

One of the best ways you can increase passion in your relationship is by finding new ways to develop yourself from the inside out. Although that sounds counterintuitive, you can’t work on your wife’s feelings when you feel like crap. Taking better care of yourself will make you receptive to your spouse’s love, replenishing the waning romance.

While getting past minor annoyances is not easy, you should focus on her strengths instead of weaknesses. To have a happy marriage and responsive intimacy, set realistic expectations, and you’ll experience relational satisfaction. Afterward, look for what’s lacking in terms of connection, something that’s causing your wife to lack intimacy.

If you suspect that your wife has fallen out of love with you, here are ten tips to get her going. These include;

1. Putting a Stop to Destructive Communication Patterns

If your wife is not responsive, she may be unhappy, and the number one cause is negative communication in your marriage. According to psychologists, the pursuer, ‘distancer’ pattern suggests that one of you is pursuing in their talk, loud and complaining. The ‘distancer’ carries on by putting up a defense or possibly withdrawing, and the chances are that’s what your spouse has done.

That unhealthy pull-push scenario drives a wedge between you and your wife. But you can overcome the destructive pattern by taking a gentler stance and letting her emotionally engage, which closes the distance.

2. Reconnecting with Yourself When You First Fell in Love

The person that your wife became infatuated with has probably fallen into disrepair and neglect. While both of you have gone through a change, it’s not difficult to recall the giddy emotions that used to electrify your initial lovemaking. It’s your individuality, and not dependence on her to complete you, that attracts your spouse, and you must reconnect with that self.

Retrace your steps to find out what you’ve lost, reminiscing on the qualities that you both found attractive in each other. You’ll be surprised to find that its trivial nuances like laughing or spending time together that get your wife’s juices flowing again.

3. Working At Falling in Love Again

Your wife didn’t fall out of love or become romantically cold overnight. Getting her to become more intimate and loving won’t happen suddenly either, but it takes work. Initially, you have to rekindle her liking for you, and you should find out if there are unresolved issues, arguments, or unjust not settled.

Whether you’ve done wrong and she hasn’t forgiven you, you’ve got to get issues out of the way before you can fully reconnect. Without such resolutions, she’ll have a hard time remembering why she liked you enough to marry you in the first place.

4. Intimate Touch as a Precursor to an Active Sex Life

Affection, primarily through physical touch, stimulates the brain to produce the hormone oxytocin. It’s a neuropeptide that promotes feelings of bonding, trust, and devotion. You can recapture the spark by intentionally touching your wife, and not only when you want to have sex. The closeness that results from contact will rebuild the intimacy needed for your marriage to thrive.

Start with gestures of affection, intentionally touching your wife to get her feeling closer and more relaxed around you. That will help you stay in touch with your sexuality and desire for one another.

5. Quitting the Blame Games

Your relationship only suffers more when you blame your wife for every situation. If you want intimacy to continue in your marriage, act, think, and be as one instead of opposed to one another. Blaming her only breeds resentment, and you must start telling her what you need respectfully and directly.

Take on a more honest and compassionate attitude, even when your wife, a human being, understandably errs.

6. Exercising Kindness

The key to staying in love and experiencing intimate closeness is kindness. Perform more loving actions, starting with kind expressions to your wife, and she’ll feel and act more loving. Consistent generosity is sufficient to thaw the frost even amid heated moments or when she’s seething with anger. By increasing interest in her every waking hour, she’ll move closer to you, reeled in by pure attraction.

7. Trying New Things Together

Remember when your marriage’s love experience was brand new? You were interested in knowing more about each other, enthralled in the mystery, and more open. But due to the boring old routine, your intimacy has waned, and your wife is cold. It would help if you rekindle your sense of adventure and vitality by exploring new things together, finding common ground on which to bond.

8. Supporting Her Interests

Your wife is with you, but she’s still her person at the end of the day. She has her interests, abilities, and needs that she’d like to explore. Some of these qualities made you fall in love, and you must give her space to become a fulfilled individual. Instead of exerting control or imposing restrictions based on your insecurities, it’s healthier to give her active support so that she’ll thrive.

9. Showing Gratitude and Appreciation

It’s easy for your wife to feel neglected, overlooked, and taken for granted in your marriage. After sharing a home and a bed, you may have forgotten how to thank her along the way. Take time to let your spouse know you appreciate her and all she does for your household. If talking proves difficult, take your phone or paper and write her a message, making her feel loved and appreciated.

10. Learning Her Love Language

Everyone has buttons that, when pressed right, help open them up, receptive to advances. Your wife requires words of affirmation, physical affection, and acts of service, gifts, or quality time. If you recognize what gets your spouse going, you’ll be able to clearly and consistently communicate your love.


Instead of complaining that ‘my wife doesn’t do anything,’ practice these 10 tips to get her going. It’s probably because you and your spouse have let your marital commitments fade, lacking passion, romance, and love. But since your marriage is worth fighting for, and you want more intimacy from her, consider giving rather than getting. Above all, don’t give up trying.