It’s said that the first baby is a miraculous bundle of joy, the second, its companion, and the third should close that chapter. A fastidious economy, humongous costs of raising young ones, and our comprehension of genetics have unfortunately made many people frown on another pregnancy after three children. So what do you do when you’re unexpectedly pregnant with fourth child?
Many repeat mothers equate having a fourth child to riding a bike. You’ve experienced the ins and outs of being pregnant thrice before, your mind and body already intimately familiar with changes of pregnancy. Whether it’s a big surprise or not, there won’t be any major disruption to your best-laid plans, as another baby is a blessing.
You have a reason for concern and maybe thinking about terminating your fourth pregnancy. Your spouse may stand against it, but your relationship will survive, and ‘mother of four’ is a statement of status. Yes, you’ll be tired, especially with other kids to look after, but read on to learn how you can cope when you’re unexpectedly pregnant with a fourth child.
Why Do I Feel Unease on Finding I Am Unexpectedly Pregnant with Fourth Child
One in five families in 1964 consisted of four or more kids, but the figure fell to one in ten by 2009. People’s view on larger broods has changed and being pregnant a fourth time is deemed a luxury or carelessness. An obsession with planning pregnancies attempts to devalue the child born of an unexpected pregnancy, but what’s life without spontaneity?
There’s an unspoken rule that if you’re below the middle-upper class income level, two kids are enough. Failing to meet the one boy, one girl gender quota allows you to have a third. That sounds like an unbelieving stock portfolio approach to childbearing since no matter what you plan, you get what you get. Instead of counting off genders or trying for something unattainable, simply have children in the manner and number in which they come.
What you need is support and encouragement, seeing as you are by no means alone. Your child, whether fourth or eighth, deserves as much excitement as the first or second. It doesn’t matter that you’re clocking double the ‘accepted’ average if you’re within the means or resources to raise a large family. Ignore the judgmental looks, snide remarks, and raised eyebrows, especially if your bump is already showing, soldiering on to prepare for your fourth unique child.
Greatest musical composer of all time, Beethoven was one of seven kids and John F Kennedy was one of nine. Benjamin Franklin, one of the founding fathers of our nation was part of a 17 strong brood. Each child is different and brings something to this world, from your first to your last, even if it’s unexpected.
What’s the Effect on My Family When the Fourth Child Comes?
There is a long list of reasons why a fourth child is a bad idea, but while short, strong, and meaningful is the one why you should be excited. Often I’ve heard of families that had settled into a mundane cycle of boredom and stress after having a third baby. It’s number four that rides in, effecting sparks of joy, happiness, and togetherness with their unparalleled, contiguous energy.
The best days may just be ahead, and so far you’ve managed with your three, so you’ll do fine. Something immeasurable, beyond the weight of a number, is soon to be added to your family. Quite soon, you’ll have a hard time imagining life without them, but first, you’ll need to settle your uncertainty.
Finding that you’re unexpectedly pregnant with a fourth child is a paradox. Weirdly, you’ll find that this situation simplifies your life in specific ways while making it complicated in others. These include
Evening out the Pairs
Something is always askew when you have three children, as one is often left hanging by themselves. That’s usually your last born, especially if the first two are closer in age and have been together longer. You’ve often dealt with a discontent youngest, wondering why they’re left out and wanting to tag along with older siblings.
Having number four brings about pairs, which automatically form seeing as your third is likely to still be at home longer than the elders. By the time your fourth grows up to be deemed play-worthy, you’ll have a much easier time and with family cohesion.
You Have Customized Helpers
When your fourth child comes about, your first, second, or even thirdborn can turn out to be a great help. If they are old enough, you can get a lot of hands-free time, as well as very motivated errand goers. You’ll have unsolicited assistance from day one, finding eager volunteers for small chores like fetching the diaper bag. Older siblings might learn to make a bottle or babysit when you and hubby leave on date night.
Other than keeping an eye on the baby while you visit the toilet, older siblings find mutual ground in which to work together. Childhood woes make it easy for kids to realize they’re related, a bond that can be rekindled with the fourth addition.
Sharing of Quarters
If, like me, you live in a modest three-bedroom house, having a fourth child makes allocating rooms either simple or difficult. To be frank, this and what hand-me-down outfits one gets is the only time you’ll consider your kids in terms of their gender.
Having four of the same is great as these can pair up and share rooms forever. But when the sexes are uneven, it’ll prove complicated down the road unless you move to a larger home.
Logistics of Here to There
Minivans, station wagons, and SUVs came to provide mobility solutions for families with four kids or above. It’s guaranteed that unless you’ve got two cars and a spare driver, you’ll require a larger vehicle when the fourth arrives.
It’s cute to reuse some stuff, but others can appear a bit scuffed by the time they make it from the first to your fourth child. You’ll still save a lot from your second or third, especially with some things that aren’t used often. Winter jackets, snowsuits, and Halloween costumes will get handed down multiple times to get more than your money’s worth.
Want to have a life? Then first give it, despite being unexpectedly pregnant with fourth child. One significant advantage is that you’ve already got experience, three times over. Many women find it easier with number four than when transitioning from two to three. That’s not to say there won’t be difficulties, but what you think will be a disaster may turn out to be the best-unexpected blessing.
I’m Cathrine and I’m a 39-year-old mother of 3 from Utica, New York. And I’m extremely happy you’ve come to visit my hide-out on the web. Here I post about everything related to family-life and usually it will involve babies and lessons I’ve learned over the years from experts, friends, and my own mistakes. So hopefully you will find what i write fun and informational!